a day to say "i do"

Posted Monday, September 6, 2010 by catherine
Remembering sad thoughts would only make things even more grim.

Grim. What a word? Well that's it! Now that everything cooled off--(I guess), i may say that it would better be this way--few friends but true, a bunch of avid friends to be, inspirers on the go, enemies on the loose who will not stop until they see you gone (but a big no-no), a warm family whom i always love to go home to, best friends who will always remind me that LOL is just a text or call away, and to keep it all balanced; a boyfriend who is always there but is actually not there--my everdearest ghost boyfriend Yancee.

For the past storms i surpassed, cheers to my self. As I may always say, there's always a time for everything. Though for a couple of times, tough became even tougher, I strongly and bravely went through. 

There's a day to say "I do". Not on the context of wearing a white couture dress with a vail, lovingly walking on the aisle. No. But i will finally say I already got married. I already embraced life! That is why if life is punching me here and there, I would understand because life is my husband. LOL.

Ears are not for hearing but for listening...

Posted Thursday, July 22, 2010 by catherine
Well it just isn't.

It's not about singing "Your Not Sorry" under the mango tree watching different faces passing by while lying on a swing. It's definitely not the 3 guitar strings I happened to break while I was practicing my audition piece, Hiery it isn't the blisters I have in my fingers for gripping and clipping the strings as I was strumming some melodies to life.

While looking at the pedestrian making their way to their respective destination, I came to realize that it really doesn't mean that while you're on your journey, people shoulod cheer for you to go. You can walk alone. 

Sometimes, it can be of a great pain to be reflecting that on your long excursion, no one walks beside you but your self. You succumbed into the thought that you should and would rather be alone and take the long journey home. Well it just isn't. While you are looking beside you, you forgot something important. You didn't remember to look up-- God is just there, watchn your every move and guiding you in every step that you take.
I remember kuya Arnel saying this when he was teaching me to play the piano before. "Your hands have its own ears. As you strike the keys, especially when it is your first time, you'll realize that you want to strike more to the point that you are making your own melody. But as you learn to read notes, you abide by what you read on the sheet music. Only a few people loves to listen to the melodies that there own hands make. Listen to the melody. Strike relentlessly, and you'll discover that your hands are becoming light as the feathers, it's because of the freedom you are feedom. You haven't noticed that God is playing the piano with you. You are making the melody and He is laying on the accompaniment." 

And as he was saying those words, he strike the piano keys without reading the sheet music. His hands were really as light as the feather. And then did I realize that God is playing the piano with him. There is no need to be a virtuoso but as long as you learn to listen. Just learn to listen.

Sometimes, our anger is blocking our logic. We are lulled into the stage of denial as pride makes its way to our hearts. Thus, we tend not to listen. You just hear the words but you forget to listen--it's hearing with understanding, its hearing with empathy. 

It isn't just it. Once you'll learn to listen, things would be better. So instead of saying that the ear is for hearing, you should slap yourself and say you're wrong. Ears are for hearing not, but for listening.

that's why i love the rain...

Posted Wednesday, July 14, 2010 by catherine

















That is what I love about the rain. Now that it's cold, you long for warmth.
I've never been this happy in my entire life. Now I always look forward to going home and spending my moments with my family, watching movies together, laughing about things that had happened recently and being with my life now--raven. 

My boyfriend might feel like his not important to me but he also is. I've always looked forward to this kind of family--we are so happy. 

For my coursemates who always let me borrow their books and for the few friends i had hung out with lately, i wish i am with you all the time. You let me see the bright and beautiful side of life. I couldn't be any happier. LOVE.

ampalaya people....could be the most comic pipol in the whole world...

Posted Sunday, July 11, 2010 by catherine
They have wasted their time posting someting, commenting on posts and all, claiming they have already moved on...but wait...why the bitter?

If you say you want to be silent then zip your stupid (that adjective really fits you...sorry...) mouth and let all things be as is and stand on your ground, staying silent!!!!...

You always say that you have already moved on but here you are... bringing up the issue again and again. Is that what you mean by moving on???----gosh, excuse me.

There you go, slapping issues on people's faces when you already said you don't mind them. Why waste your time on people whom you already said you don't care about when in total FACT, they don't care the more about you.

You pity them? No. That is not the case. Truth is that you pity yourself for caring about these people...whom you thought would bow down before you and kiss the land your paving, but at the end, bit you. You really can't live without this people that you are raging whenever you know that they are happy. Why just leave these peope alone?! You are just a walking definition of the word INSECURE.

If you say these people gather pity from other people then leave that somebody alone. What difference would there be from the two of you when you also say what you feel about his/her acts to also to fetch people's acknowledgement bout what you feel. so in other words, you are even worse than the person na ikina-puputok ng butsi mo!...

Just keep quiet because all the more, you will appear to be comic after all the things you've been doing. Comic???--the understatement of the year!!!

perder a mi hermano mayor (missing kuya)

Posted Sunday, June 20, 2010 by catherine
(I wrote this in Spanish so that not everyone will encrypt.. this message is especially for you kuya j)

 El hermano, yo soy tan sory para todas las cosas que hice a husted. Se que cause aflegieria. Usted me puede llamar un mentiroso todo desea. Fui dolido realmente pero soy fino. Yo siempre le he respetado y le adorado.

Fue siempre alli cuando llore y amis momento felices. Ellos quizas pensen que es malo, pero para mi usted es el mejor hermano enn el mundo.

Lamento mucho a hermano y te quero tanto.Adios y gracias por todo! Idios bendice!

It's Good To Be Back...(To My Senses...Perhaps)

Posted Monday, May 31, 2010 by catherine

Been there. Done That.
Let bygones be bygones.

I came back to see where I belong. Stubborn-yes! Hardheaded-sure! Liar-no way!

I am an emo. (Sure I am.) Whatever comes from my mouth is the entire truth--for those who knows who I really am. If I tell you 'your dress is nice'--I mean it. If I tell you "i don't like your attitude"--yeah I mean it (for sure). But that doesn't mean that because I act different from what other people expect and assume me to do means that I am a total rebel--doesn't mean that I don't get hurt, doesn't mean that I could just let everything pass. It could be too much that at some point I can't bear it anymore, and in some instances I tend to be more suicidal. From my 17 years of existence in the world mayo, I still am not good at handling problems. There are a lot of things that I know I can't change, I know I can't return, I know I can't replay but I am struggling to fight what I long have been. Silly. But as far as I know, I am really like this. I don't ask you to believe everything that I say but even for a moment, consider how I feel when you try not to listen, when you try not to care. It damn hurts a lot. But I know I can't please everyone. I am not after being in good terms with everyone--I am not Miss Congeniality. But at least, I want not to be hated--though unloved, it's okay than to be unwanted. =)  

CONFUSIONS

Posted Friday, May 28, 2010 by catherine

If ever I am nowhere to be seen, just think of me as your reverie.

For the last months, it have been so hard to sleep. I can't clarify why. I really want to leave, to start a life anew, meet new friends--run away from everything that is smothering me here. It's just so hard to accept the fact that those things you want to runaway from are the things you know you would never live without. I am torn; between leaving Dumaguete, my friends and the life I had started to establish, and with the hunger to be free--to gasp the air of freedom, freedom from the consequences of my acts. I just can't help but be sorry for all that would be wasted but I really tried to fight, but i was too weak to go on,, and so I am planning to leave--by all means.

I am so sorry to those people who trusted me so much. I never meant to fail you as much as I did fail myself. This has never been better, hope you all understand. It has always been hard--very hard. 
As of today, March 28, 2010, I am still not sure of what is ahead of me--still not sure. Maybe next week I am already inhaling the fresh air of Zamboanga--0r--I'll be finding myself queuing up for the enrollment--I still don't know.
But one thing's for sure, whatever might happen, it is for the best (at least so).