Forbidden Element

Just because I smile doesn't mean that I am not hurt..
Just because I told you I'll wait for you, it doesn't mean
IT'S FOREVER!!!...

Many people think that they have all the right in the world to insult you,
make you feel worthless, criticize you and worst to do it all right at your face...

I hate people like them, but I do my best to control my temper.Long before I was diagnosed with Epilepsy, back when I was in Grade 2, I felt that everything come easy.


That was August, we were practicing how to right cursive and I felt very sleepy so I took a nap. When I woke up, people were all around me and I was surprised that they rushed me to the clinic. My teacher narrated that they were all trying to wake me up but I didn't. My mother was there, she hugged me and explained that I was unconscious for many hours. I was shocked because I thought that I just slept and that's all.

Then the next incident came when we were having a fight with my classmate and when I punched him for defense, I felt numb and fell to the floor.Next time I opened my eyes,I was in the hospital. Mama was crying beside me with my grandmother letting me eat. My aunts and uncles were there too. I asked mama why I am there then she told me that I had a seizure that I had to be brought to the hospital.

I hated hospitals really. With the dominant smell of medicines and cries of new born babies, it just make me feel more sick.

The doctor came and conducted many tests and advised my mother to bring me to a neurologist. That was why we went to Dr. Diputado in Silliman University medical Center. When we got there, she examined me closely and made me sit on the bed and hit and my knees with a red stone on a spoon-like metal handle. Then they talked with my mother inside my doctor's office leaving me lying on the bed and looking at the different pictures of the brain.

When they got out, that was the time my mother and my doctor told me that I have an epilepsy-a serious case. But more is to be determined so me and my mother went to have me CT-Scanned. Nothing else was discovered so my mother felt a little hope.


But the following events were more nerve-wracking, all symptoms and all kinds of attack happened to me. My doctor gave me a lot of medicines which are all expensive, but it seems like nothing has changed. My mother was running out of hope but she was trying to be strong for me. The hospital seemed to be my second home.

I was not affected ignoring the stabbing pain in my head and stomach every time I collapse. It was nice that my family and my relatives do their best to make me happy. I also enjoyed calling my friends, watching TV, and staring at the window- with the dextrose connected with me.

Maybe because of the over flowing love that I felt on that part of my life then I was well.

It was so hard because I was not allowed to eat meat except fish, junk foods, ice cream and to drink soft drinks. It was like torture every time I see a gallon of ice cream on the table coz I know that they won't let me eat.


When my mama told me that the doctor said I was already certified well, which is 2 years of suffering, I was really happy because my mama let me eat ice cream.


My studies was affected but I still managed to be the first honor. I gained the respect and the sympathy of the people around me. I get every thing I wanted and my parents' favor then.


Now that I am already in college, with people around me not knowing all my sufferings because of a malady, I can't easily forgive them when they hurt me, I can't respect them the way they want to if they do the same way to me, and I still think that life is still unfair. For I lost almost half of my childhood when everyone had the chance to enjoy street games and be normal, while I was always in the hospital crying,and enduring all the pains of the medication. They were even fortunate and they still want the things to come their way.


I still don't understand them but I hope someday I will; for they don't know that CATHERINE is vulnerable too.