I lost everything but not that quite. I must say that the battle has long been over, that all that are left are the debris of miseries and remorse. I know I don't have the capacity to take it all back. But I want to change. How can I do this if I will never be given the chance to?
To everyone whom I have caused pain to--I'm so sorry, I am just tired--please bear with me.
A.) If I have been a real pain in the neck. If I really have been so, well, please bear with me. This is just me; I can adjust but not totally revoke my character. Emo they may say--I admit that I am--so they care? I care for all of you and please have the patience to stick with me...I really can't live alone.
B.) I am a great pessimist. I can't pretend to think positive if things around me are freaking me out. Once I say I want to die, it seems to be a consolation that at the end of the day, there will be two outcomes. It's either I will die, or those whom/which I hate the most will vanquish. But in the 17 years of my existence, neither of the two choices were granted. I wonder why. Maybe it is because... my pessimistic words are a reciprocating force that drives things to become positive. Because if not, I could have hung myself on the tree long time ago.
C.) Stupid Mood Swings. Sometimes, I become happy and on the next moment, I want to stab people who crosses my peripheral view. Damn it! I swear I don't like this attitude problem. But I salute those people who are long immuned with my unbearable behavior, I love you all guys.
D.) I have a criminal mind--joke!!!--but I want it to be true. How I wish have this kind of ability. Like owning a death note, I really want to start writing names!
I said I was just dying. I never said I would like to live. If I'll die--so be it!
He whispered the words that "I'll miss you"
and left a note outside the door
he said I'll be back some time
before our hearts grow cold
and you've never seen this heart
we never spent more than a day apart
you can say he's up to something
you can say he's up to something
I can sense he's up to something
Cause he found love out west
he found everything that wasn't me
he found love in California
he found love in California
and I'm destined to start over
now I'm destined to start anew
cause I have everything in you...
So as goes the song of Four Letter Lie "Stay For A Lifetime". The question is, "Can he still stay with me? Everything has not been OK since he went away. I waited. I cried. Yet, I don't want to surrender.
I already begged for him to stay. He didn't listen. He moved away. He left me. Yet now, I am still missing him.
I already promised myself that I will never mention him again, but I still do. I never get tired of calling his name in the middle of the night, looking up the sky, hoping that he watches the stars like I do. Though always in tears, I reminisce our happy times together.
It has been a year since he left. The last time we were together was when he sent me home. Together, we went to my bestfriend's house. Holding the camera, he took pictures of me and him and my bestfriend appreciated his shots. I told him that he can be a good photographer someday--so off he went.
"Let's go home." I told him.
He smiled and held my hand. "Whatever you like, *****"
He drove his motorcycle and I was right behind hugging him. It could have been sweet but not till he told me he's going to Manila. I was in tears but I remained strong hoping that everything will be OK.
Months went by, I found a new love. He is still stuck in Manila and is already a photographer. Girls flock around him while I am still here, waiting and wishing he would come back.
Not till one fateful night...
He told me he's already in Dumaguete. I wondered if he was just joking or what. I asked him if it was true. He did not answer.
Janet, on the other hand, really wants to help me because he is not replying my text messages. Janet texted him and he replied. She told him everything which I know I can't afford to tell him.
There, I got the closure I wanted from the start. He let me go.
Many people are asking me, why I am like this. I just smile and say "I'm EMO".
This is the answer to all your questions.
Jerome Olarte (Jhom
) was my best friend. He used to teach me how to play basketball. He taught me how to play the guitar. He went with me to World Of Fun and played just for me. He won a stuffed toy that time and gave it to me. I still have it till now--Wesley.
We were friends for so long.We were together most of the time. He promised me he would stay with me forever-- I believed him then.
But there was something about the way he held my hand. It signaled a thought of him saying goodbye. Girl's instincts are often true. I believe it now.
Truth? I am still not over him. I don't know until when will I shake him off my heart. He used to be my everything, and now that he's gone, I lost every part of me. He is now happy with his life and I am here, stuck with my memories of him.
It's so painful. Seeing a couple holding hands is one of the daily sights which tortures me. I tried to divert my attention to someone.. yet I still can't. No one could ever equate with the love I out poured before just and only for him.
I want to be happy. Yet every time I try to be, people always judge me. They value their opinion more than they should have listened to what I should say.
The issue on being close with boys doesn't mean I'm flirting. I just miss him, that's all. Boys have more sense than when you talk to girls.
I miss him everyday. I miss him so bad. How can I move on or find some one new if every day of my life, he occupies my thoughts and my heart. I need help. Bad thing about falling in love is not moving on.
The next time that someone will hold my hand,I hope it means forever. I miss you.
Looking back at what Cheeno told me, "You are so pathetic hon." with a sheepish smile. (the nerve of him!) Well, I don't mind. The truth that I am pathetic is already established in the pages of Encyclopedia Britanica. (better check it if you don't agree)
Because of that, I am diverting my attention to my crushes in the Anime world. They won't leave me. That's the best thing about them. The following are my crushes, my future husbandsssss... hahaha...exaggerated.
Because of that, I am diverting my attention to my crushes in the Anime world. They won't leave me. That's the best thing about them. The following are my crushes, my future husbandsssss... hahaha...exaggerated.
Death Note Instructions. Tackled here are the rules that must be remembered in using the note of death. (If it happens to be true, I wanna start writing names!!! evil laughs)
L. His name is L. He is weird but cool. (I love his hair--ofcourse! It reminds me of him... shivers!)
Light. The main character of Death Note. (He's so yummy isn't it???)
Mello. One of L's descendants. (The rugged type.)
Near. L's successor. He is so much like L. (Yummy also...)
Mikami Teru. I don't know much about him. (But all I know is that he's cute. Period.)
Cloud. My ultimate crush--cloud. He is from "Final Fantasy Seven". (He is my future husband, you bet!!!)
Gaara. From Naruto--Gaara. (Look at the eyeliner... wehhh!!!)
Sasuke. (Look at the hair... Who comes to your mind?? Ha? As in? NOt so.. giggles...)
Sai. (Actually, we're engaged).
Pain. He's a beauty.
Kira Yamato. From Gundam Seed Destiny.
Natsume. He bears the fire alice... Alice academy hearthrob.
Narumi-Sensei. He has the human pheromone Alice.
Tamahome. From Fushigiyugi. (My first crush)
Sasuke.Full Metal Panic.
Rukawa. Slum dunk dashing romeo.
There you go. The final set of 2010's "Catherine's Crushes in the Anime World". Whatever you may say, I am so inlove with all of them. Next time, I will post my lamentations about life and love life--but I'm getting tired of it already. Shivers!
...How can I not love you when you are gone...
No matter what they say, unmindful of what they do, I still, and forever will be loving you.
Though the whole world may not understand. Others may say I am hard headed. Yes, I admit I am what they think of me. They don't know what I am feeling.
Thanks.
To everyone who patienly listened to everything I said and to those who just pretended to care, still, thank you. You all know that it is slowly killing me. I love him, you all know. But it's just forbidden. I am struggling to fight this feeling off of me. The outcome is still the same. I am still stuck on him-- and only him. Mind you. (I don't care what you guys say. This is me, and this is my life.)
Sorry.
I know I've hurt his feelings for so many times but he was still with me all the way, to support me. This past few months, the relationship and teh kind of bonding we had deteriorated. I don't know what evil factors influenced him.
The last time I saw him, he's still the same. He greeted everyone except me. I bursted into tears when I got home because we used to be the closest. What happened to you ****? I am so sorry if I was not there to help you when you needed me. I am so sorry.
Wish you Well.
I really don't know till when I could stay. As I look around, I can't help but cry whenever I remember all my happy memoires here. I know I am not a lot. I am not a loss. So I am already leaving. I know everyone will be happy. I wish you well guys. I'll miss everybody.
The stars lean down to kiss you
And i lie awake and miss you
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere
'cause i'll doze off safe and soundly
But i'll miss your arms around me
I'd send a postcard to you dear
'cause i wish you were here
I'll watch the night turn light-blue
But it's not the same without you
Because it takes two to whisper quietly
The silence isn't so bad
'til i look at my hands and feel sad
'cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly
I'll find repose in new ways
Though i haven't slept in two days
'cause cold nostalgia
Chills me to the bone
But drenched in vanilla twilight
I'll sit on the front porch all night
Waist-deep in thought because
When i think of you i don't feel so alone
I don't feel so alone i don't feel so alone
As many times as i blink
I'll think of you tonight
I'll think of you tonight
When violet eyes get brighter
And heavy wings grow lighter
I'll taste the sky and feel alive again
And i'll forget the world that i knew
But i swear i won't forget you
Oh if my voice could reach
Back through the past
I'd whisper in your ear
Oh darling i wish you were here
Ever realized why the love we ever wanted was never granted? Why do we always feel like we are cheated and dumped. This is simply because the love we wanted is not meant for us.
It is like the moon and the earth. We can be close but could never be together. No matter how we try to be good, no matter how we try to make up, your dreams of having the man of your dreams will just splatter especially if your love is not meant to be.
It is like the moon and the earth. We can be close but could never be together. No matter how we try to be good, no matter how we try to make up, your dreams of having the man of your dreams will just splatter especially if your love is not meant to be.
So you are reading???
- catherine
- so you were reading? hehe.. For convenience, just call me Cath,.. I'm a music-lover, I love reading books of any kind, I listen to rock music.. my greatest dream is to write, and be an author of my very own book.. Am I that wishful? hehe... Well, if you happen to be reading my posts...just have patience on reading them, ok? Nice blog hopping!