Forbidden Element

DOTA vs. Girlfriend
(Based on a true story)

By Catherine Quiao Dicen



I lie awake, looking at the ceiling, trying to recall the things that happened more than a year ago. Though hurt, I think I already have the strength to unlock the pain I hid at the bottom of my heart way back when.

Just when I thought I already moved on- it was then I realized that I’m a slave of the past. It’s so hard to get over- him.

High school is the best part of my student life (as far as I’m concerned… but my doors are not closed from the idea of calling COLLEGE the best part of student life… if it would be worth the call then why not?) Schoolmates, friends, best friends and classmates are just around the corner. Teachers are fun to be with and are most approachable.

I had a boyfriend then. I was still in third year high school that time. Young, energetic, unmistakably chubby, good at everything except Math (math is my Achilles’ heel). Because of the lost of communication between the two of us (and he really didn’t find ways to contact or see me) I joined a texting Clan.

It was my first experience to join such group which I don’t even know what is going to happen next. My classmate’s boyfriend, who was Allen, FORBIDDEN ELEMENT’S rhythm guitarist (it’s my band, I was the vocalist) gave me the clan’s profile. Out of frustration maybe, I sent the profile to the number below the clan’s name, who happened to be the founder. Minutes later, I was accepted.

After the founder has sent the confirmation message to everybody who stated this way “Please do welcome our new member Silver Magnum 09269754321”, messages have been flooding my phone. Most of the first who welcomed me were girls thinking that I was a boy because of my code name. They asked me for my NASL or name, age, sex, location. I replied this way, “Aya, 16, f, dgte.” I thought the girls were dismayed but instead, they texted or made a GM or group message stating that Silver magnum is a girl.

That was the start of it all. Guys came texting and welcomed me interestedly. It almost ruined my phone that every time I leave it and then get it to text, 30 messages flag the screen.

It was really enjoying that even at summer I just stayed at home texting not my friends but my clanmates. Then an unknown number flashed on my inbox. I read it and he said that he was interested about how guy members of the clan are so interested to me.

I was comfortable with guys actually. First because my best friends mostly are boys, I have a band and I’m the only girl member, my cousins of my age are boys, and one great factor- I don’t have a brother.

I told him that I don’t know, maybe it’s because I can jive with them and I know how to befriend them… it’s not new anymore. Then we became friends. I remember how we watch and talk about Kim Chiu and Gerald Anderson while they were still in Big Brother’s house. I told him that they would be the next big thing in show business. He replied, “And we would also be the same way…in our clan.” I know he was just joking then I rode with his joke and it started our friendship-with-trust stage. I called him “love team” and he too was calling me that.

“I am playing basketball, text you later”, was my message for him.

While in the game, I accidentally tripped on a stone at the basketball court. And that was that. End of my basketball career. My cousins brought me home. They all laughed at me when I told them that I still would like to play. They told me to rest and that they would win the game versus our neighbors for me. I was happy for the dedication.

I remembered that I texted him- love team. I got my phone inside my pouch and was, well, not really surprised to see 30 messages again. I read them all and replied just a few.

I read love team’s message, “Are you really sure that you play basketball?”

I replied, “Just finished playing, and it was the end, I sprained my ankle.”

I wondered why it took him so long to reply. Because of boredom, I fell asleep and was not aware of the time. Hunger woke me up.

“Oh, my! It’s already 2 pm! I just took my breakfast at 6 am.”

I rushed to the kitchen and ate to my heart’s content. My phone beeped. I read the message.

“’Just played basketball too. Sorry for the late reply, I played DOTA.”

“It’s OK. Boys are boys.”

“Are you sure that you played basketball?”

“Of course, you want proof. But if you really want it, please not now. I sprained my ankle remember?”

“I remember. I’m just wondering. You talk like a guy and act like a guy really. Don’t tell me you’re a lesbian?”

“Ha-ha, say what you want to say. But unfortunately, I have a boyfriend. To where the hell he is now, I don’t know. But all I know is that I have one and all are just too informal between the both of us, OK?”

“Sorry to have accused you. But that’s nice of you. You can really mix with us.”

“That’s one special talent, really. Guys are real beasts. It’s so hard to tame them when they are not approachable. The best way to capture their hearts is not through their stomach, but to act and be like them.”

That was based from my previous experiences- with friends, classmates, cousins and admirers. Did I really say that?

“I like the way you think. The ‘best way to a man’s heart is through his stomach’ is an old passé. I don’t believe in that really. Men are good cooks. But it is also a plus factor for a man to have a wife who knows how to cook.”

I don’t know if he was talking to himself or if he’s about to tell something but it was all cut out.

“I’ll text you later. I got to play DOTA. Hope you understand.”

“Yup, I will…(try to)” I replied as fast as I could so that he could still read my message. Boys who are thinking about games will really be thinking about it and will forget things prior to it.

It really is so boring to wait for someone to text you when his mind is still flying somewhere. What do I have to do? I thought for a moment then my phone beeped again.

“Sweet, I miss you so much.”, from my long lost boyfriend whatsoever.

“Oh, so you’re still alive?” I replied sarcastically. Actually, I lost my appetite to text all of a sudden.

“Is that what you are going to tell your boyfriend? Don’t you miss me?”
“Ah, really. Why would I? Do I have the reason to. Tell that to the marines! Get lost!” I replied out of anger.

He did not reply. Well the better. What would I squeeze out of that devil? I was about to turn off my phone when I read a message from love team.
“Why do I feel that you are mad?

“Is it that obvious? My god damned boyfriend texted me awhile ago like nothing really matters.”

“What did you tell him?”

“I told him to get lost.”

I really meant it. For him to get lost, forever, is I guess the greatest consolation I’ll have after all he’s done to me.

The week just passed like any other day. The band planned to join a ‘battle of the bands’ next week. Practice has been tough. My body is not like the way it was before when it comes to music. This jamming is draining all my energy.

“I heard that you will join the battle of the bands.”, texted my STUPID boyfriend.

“And so?” another sarcasm.

“I’ll be there to support you.”

“Oh great, really now? I don’t just ride into someone’s promise and swear it to your life that you’ll be doing that for sure, or else you’ll regret the day you let those words came out from your mouth.” I warned him. Promises are what I hate the most. Especially if it’s broken. Grrrr.

“I’ll surely be there. I won’t miss it for the world.”

“Or else you’ll lose your life!” He’s becoming very unbearable unlike before.

How did the days pass? That I don’t know. Forbidden Element is already in the room with our co-hopefuls. We have prepared for this day for a very long time and loosing is not in our vocabulary.

I texted the crap. He said that he was stuck in traffic and that coming right in time is merely impossible. I should have known better. Another excuse. Why not tell it directly that he can’t come? I really would like to tangle his neck. I hate him!

“Love team? Why did you not tell me that you are joining this battle of the bands thing? I’ll be there.”, his message after I narrated to him that my stupid boyfriend left me on dead air.

“Forbidden Element, you’re next.” , said the usherette while she looked at us one by one.

It almost knocked me off my chair as I heard her soft voice. We all headed to the stage as the band before us sings their piece. My hands are cold and trembling and I know that time that I have a fever. That’s no joke. Plus I have colds. How will I do this?

My band mates are all worried about me. But I told them that we have been working hard for this night, for this very moment of performing in the stage and not a mere fever could stop that.

It was then our turn. We set off the stage and was ready to perform. The audience were yelling as we started our song. I don’t know if they’ll understand why it was like that- I don’t feel well.

After we were done, I automatically got down and was barred by my classmates. They know very well that I was sick. I just smiled to them and headed to the waiting room when someone grabbed my hand.

“Hey! What is this for?” I shouted with joy as I recognized the face. Andrew! Love team.

“I know you were sick. Why did you still perform?” He asked and concern was evident in his eyes.

“I have to give justice to the labor we’ve been through Drew. Our practice sessions were no joke. And I have to do this for myself. But, thanks for coming. I thought you will not make it here.” I told him as he still hold my hand.

“I told you I’ll come, didn’t I?”, his face puzzled because of my statement.

“It’s just I’m used of people breaking their promises.” I looked at him intently.

“You look so beautiful tonight, love team. The most beautiful vocalist I’ve ever seen”, he smiled and showed his dimples. He just diverted the topic.

I laughed. “You’re the most handsome liar on Earth , Drew.”

He giggled then a line of sternness crossed his face. “Why do you have to be that very patient with your boyfriend? I guess he is abusing you and your goodness.”

I looked at him, confused. “I’m just waiting for my anger to outburst. Really, I’m loosing my nerve with this man. I don’t know if he even does care about me or what. Maybe he is too secure that he has this girlfriend he could run to when he is in need.”

“You certainly don’t deserve that!” He was angry but not with me.

“He’ll have his karma in no time.” I said smiling. “I’m just waiting for someone to save me from him.” I turned my back to Drew and started walking towards the waiting room.

We didn’t win but we were still happy that we got the chance to perform in front of a crowd.

I was lying religiously on my bed when my cell phone bleeped. Hoping that it was Drew, I got it at the table.

“I am so sorry for not making it there at the battle of the bands. But you know that I am the most proud boyfriend in the world.”

Really? I want to laugh. Of course, he really is proud. I’m just his decoration for what it’s worth. I didn’t reply.

My phone bleeped again. I read the message from Drew.

“For so long, I thought that you really loved your boyfriend, not ‘till last night.”

I was really puzzled. “What do you mean by that?”

“You need me.”

“Really? How sure are you?”

“I’ll save you from your boyfriend.”

“Really? You’ll save me? And what will you do?”

“You have to break up with him.”

“Why should I?”

“Are all the things he has done to you still not enough?”

“I’m just confused why you have to say that I need you.”

It took centuries before he replied. “I love you Ayanna.”

I was shocked. I told him that we have to meet up. He was I guess very early at the fast food restaurant because I saw that he was really bored looking outside the window.

“Boring, isn’t it?” I told him and he turned to look at me.

“Why do you have to do this?” he asked as if pain was in his heart.

“Do what?” I asked, almost whispering as he dragged the chair so I can sit.

“Making this hard for me.” He went back to seat.

“What are you talking about?” I looked at him seriously.

“Damn it, Ayanna. Damn it!” He said as he turned his back to me and stared at the traffic seen outside the window.

“I really don’t know what you are talking about. Please tell me!” I haven’t controlled a sob. We haven’t fought since. Never.


...to be continued...