Never have I imagined that I will be the only person who will never see
you on your very last day.
The day was fair. January 28, 2007 was the day me and my
friends have waited for since we are expecting to watch a movie. Our biology
teacher gave us a task to research about genetic engineering and genetically
modified foods and/or organisms. The deadline would be the next day. I never
really thought that the day I imagined to be ‘all fun and merriment’ will be
the day I will despise the word “fun”.
Seven-thirty in the morning, my cousin went to our house and
delivered the bad news. Lola collapsed and there would be no one who will watch
over her for my uncle and his family is out for swimming. She has Alzheimer’s
that is why she is kept inside a room so that she will not wander around. It
already happened that my Lola got lost because she looked for something until
she reached another barangay.
My mama got frantic and asked me to go with her and watch
over Lola’s condition but I refused. Our get-together with my friends was
already engraved in my mind and nothing could ever stop that. I insisted that I
still have to research in the afternoon because the deadline was fast
approaching. Mama believed me then; I was relieved.
At about 11 in the morning, hey decided to bring Lola to the
hospital because she was still unconscious and she was snoring- a signal for a
heart attack. Still I didn’t mind. My mind was occupied with happy thoughts and
I was looking forward to that day. One in the afternoon, mama and I got out of
the house for two different reasons; she is admitting Lola to the hospital
while I will be going to the movie house with my friends. The latter reason was
beyond my parents’ knowledge. They thought that I will go for my research
purposes only.
When I got at our meeting place, it seemed as if I forgot
about the commotion with our family. We all headed to the movie house and
watched. While inside the dark place, I was becoming uncomfortable. It was like
I became claustrophobic. I held my chest for a moment for I found it hard to
breathe. The situation was becoming unbearable. I told my best friend that I
was not feeling well. She just told me to calm down and not to worry because
the movie was about to end.
When it finally ended, we went to an internet café to do our
research and because it was becoming dark outside, I was weary. My papa would
really scourge at me for going home late. So we decided to photo copy the
printed research papers.
When I went home, I proved that I was not wrong. Papa has
gone mad and beat me with a broom stick. That brought me back to my senses.
Though after it my legs were full of bruises, it didn’t ache. It was my heart.
The guilt covered my whole being. Papa told me that I was a very inconsiderate
grand daughter. It hurts the more.
The thought of disregarding my granny’s condition was the
most painful part of it all. Though I was in tears, I swore and let out the
four-letter word. I felt so bad. Granny died without me looking over her and
might as well, told her that I don’t know how to start a life without her. So
much remorse embraced me. Then did I start to feel that I was very futile.
Every word that I was saying was useless. She’ll never hear it from me- never.
Until this very day, granny’s third year death anniversary
still hurts. It’s still killing me that I wonder for the 3 years of my
existence since, I was still whole. I managed to survive and I am living this
life for my Lola and only for her.
-ADHIE…
