Forbidden Element

Don't want to remember any of those moments, it will only remind me that I am nothin and I can't do anything. Don't want to  expect things that are substantially coming, just don't want to get disappointed and dissed at the ending. Don't want to put my head up  if my insecurities are too heavy that they wager much of my confidence, way down low. I don't want to remember. Sometimes, I wish that I can't remember a thing  after tomorrow. There are lots of things that happened before that stain my being. I WANT TO MOVE ON. But people keep on reminding me that I can't, that I am stuck, and that I can't ever be forgiven of the mistakes I made before (never-ever.)

I will never get tired of thanking the people who were there for me whenever I am too much dazed by my heartaches and sorrows. People who never got tired of considering that who they got with them is little EMO Catherine. That she is so fragile, that she needs love, that she isn't perfect, that she's full of insecurities, and that what they just have to do is to sit by my side and promise me they will never leave me. That's just it.

Leaving. I want to leave but I hate people leaving. I hate people turning their bare backs on me. I h ate it when I was with them all the time and that they will just dump me after all the things I have been through for them.

I am Evil. Yes, I know that. I have always been evil. I killed people. I despised my parents. I am an atheist. I commit adultery, I am a certified glutton. And what? Is that all that they want to hear from me? That I am a daughter of Lucifer himself. Is that what they want from me? Is that all that they can say? What else?  Tell me things I haven't heard of about myself! TEll me!

I have long had forgotten the heartahes and sorrows but people tied me and are dragging me back to hell. And there is nothing I can do now but cry and envy those people who are free of judgments and screws. I wish I am like them. But that will never happen.