Forbidden Element

There's an unknown feeling in my chest. I don't know what it is. Don't even know why I am like this. Missing you is far behind my mind. That was long gone. Gone and will never be come back. That was almost a year now. A year of emotional torture. A yer of endless hopes and dreams. A year of lies and pretending.

That was almost forgotten. Not now. Please not now. Not now that I already thought I've moved on. Why won't you leave me alone? Why am I affected with every sad song I hear, feeling like that was our wasted love story. Oppressed? No. Not a chance on that. You don't know how it feels to be stuck. I am long stuck on my ground and somehow I don't know the way out. Help? No one on his right mind will, I guess. Everyone thinks of themselves. Almost all are selfish. All including me. But I could no longer lie to myself.

How many blogs have I posted about me missing you? Yet, not even one of them have you read. Right?. You haven't read even one of my dull, emotional, and suicidal moments because of you. You are selfish! I hate you! I hate you for moving on. I hate you for being happy. I hate you for living your life well. I hate you for stealing all my wit, for taking with you all my sense of happiness, for making me bitter and sounding like i am sour graping.

I hate the moments of me lying just to protect you, the moments which I should have had spent sleeping than spending with you. I hate hearing songs like those of your favorite. Guess what. You were nothing special. You're not even good looking. You are a bore. You are a boo. But you were so mysterious, seems like lost in your own web, and before I knew it, you got me tangled with you.

I want to let go, to run away, away from here. Away from you. Away from your grim memories. Go to hell. I curse the day I believed in everything you said to me. I curse myself for ever believing you. Lastly, I curse you for making my life a total waste! I hope this is the last tine I'll waste my time on you. I should forget you by any means. I should do that before I lose my psyche.


I'll be a devil this time to curse you and your happiness. I'll be selfish this time. I will make your life miserable! If it's the last thing on Earth I'll do. I'll make you suffer like what you did to me. I will make you cry. I will make you feel like dying all the time. Revenge is not the word to describe what I want to take on you. You will soon wish you're better dead. You will soon curse your life. You will soon find yourself chasing for happiness yet you can't get any of it. Sooner than you think, things will slip from your fingers. Any time, this time, you will suffer like I  did.


That way I will rest my peace. That way I can be contented. In that way, I can get all you took from me. That way, I can rest in peace----forever.