That was the summer of 2010. After my TN pipz visited me (that was our fiesta), we started texting each other and started talking about nothings and whatever (though that wasn't the start of our phone conversation). An everyone, I guess, knows what happened next and etcetera.
We both tried to keep things up to us, to keep us together but the effort just drifted us away from each other. He said he was hurt. I don't know if he was telling the truth since we weren't seeing each other. I am hurt-deeply by not seeing him, by him not being there for me whenever I need him. Wonder was far more than what I felt that time and I asked him what brought the change and he would not answer. The effort to reach out always comes from me and somehow, I reached the point of being tired. Tired is an understatement really. HURT can't also fathom half of what I experienced all at once.
When I threw my hands up and gave up, he said he respected my decision and was hurt about what happened but I don't know still if what he said was true. I don't know because I can't see him.
You know what was the sweetest thing that ever happened to us for me? That was when he rushed to our house in May, thinking I was already half-dead for stupidly drinking a bottle of astringent. When he saw me, he nearly jumped to me and hugged me ever so tightly and scolded me like a father to his daughter. I smiled then. And we talked nonsense. When it was time for me to go back to our house, he held my hand and hugged me tightly again, as if he's never gonna let go and looked into my eyes and said "I LOVE YOU".
In my 17 years of lifetime, that was the first time a guy told me he loves me in person. After that night, we keep texting each other and he keeps visiting me at night. We just sit on his motorcycle, look up the sky to gaze at the myriad of stars, admire the moon, and talk nonsense again. I would say that I miss those times. I miss him. I miss us.
But I just so guess that he has already moved on. I am doing my best to move on though--God knows how much I am trying. As of the moment, everything is fine. He's got a girlfriend now, I am still alone, wondering what went wrong and is trying to pick up the shards of my heart from all that life has offered me. Looking back, I'm so glad that I am still alive.
I want to forget him. Everything that we had, and everything that we could have been. I want to be happy. I want to move on. But I guess time heals the wounds. I will recover some time--I hope soon. Because it's too hard to look at couples so happy at this point in time. I just hope and pray this, too, shall pass. Help.
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